Naija move: Countdown to Dec

Life is funny, and nerve-wrecking…If you told me six months ago that I might be living in Naija by the end of this year, I’d laugh at you and possibly curse u while I’m at it. But a two week visit in April has changed my views about Naija and my life forever. This time in two weeks I’ll be in Naija…just for a couple of days. Then it might be official. I’ll come back here and start moving all my stuff, break the news to my 'paseros' that i'll be leaving them and in december life moves on.
There is a big difference between visiting and living in Naija. You have to deal with the Electricity issues, Roads a.k.a. death traps, noise/air pollution, freak accidents and the scariest of them all…armed robbers. Visiting Naija is fun…you party almost every night, visit family you have not seen in years, friends are calling, others wants to visit, they take you out, you are the life of the party, they all treat you like a celebrity, it cannot get any better than this…but all of a sudden NEPA takes light…5 minutes later you feel like you live in a factory city with deafening sounds of generators…but u say to yourself, shebi it’s only in two weeks na, i'll stick it out and soon I’ll be out of here. But on the contrary, when you move…sure, you get all the perks of visiting but then NEPA takes light…then it dawns on you, you only bought a one way ticket…you are not going anywhere, you are in this for the long haul…surely your visiting perks starts to fade away, friends and family are no more on your beck and call, nobody does things for you anymore and you have to do things by yourself now...your face has been around for too long and they are used to it so there is nothing special about you any more… YOU ARE NOW ONE OF THEM.
So, I ask myself…why the hell are am I considering removing myself out of my comfort zone?…I’ve lived here for 12 years and I’ve been very happy and comfortable so far…great job, booming social life, etc. I really can’t answer this question, but deep down I know Naija is where I’m supposed to be. I’ve realized that Naija is not for everybody…My cousin hated it. She could not deal with the okadas on the streets…she had quite a few near accidents with them while walking around in the estate. The Naija move can be a suicide move unless you really know what you are doing…you have to secure a great job from here...if your daddy is a politician then it dosent matter. It will be frustrating and it will take a lot of getting used to…I'd have to build my social life...I’d have to make new friends (looking forward to NYSC next march…maybe I’ll meet new peep there) but I’m determined…I figured…I’m not married, no kids…so why not try it out and see, if I happen to be dead wrong then I can always come back and move on.

Weekend drama...

Women…Why are women so complicated? Why do women have to be from venus? Why do women wear hearts on their sleeves??? Why is it so difficult for women to just get it…I spent most of my weekend pacing back and forth trying to answer these questions…why, you might ask, why am I still trying to find answers to questions which scientists, our ansestors and even elders in the village have spent centuries trying to figure out with no avail. I’m simply trying to understand how drama found me over the weekend…

Friday…I’d been out of town for a week driving back home and it is raining like hell, I guess that’s our portion of Hurricane Ike. I have under an hr left to make it home, suddenly, I get a text from my ex…EDO GIRL I will call her…actually, I should call her Psycho gurl cuz that’s what she is but I’ll stick to this cuz my homie Tigeress gave her that name a while back when we dated, i broke up about a year ago when I finally concluded she was crazy…and the phone calls have not stopped ever since and soon after she upgraded from crazy to psycho…For the past few months I’ve been ignoring her calls all together but I do see her around occasionally…

Her text says have a safe trip when u go to naija next month…. WHAT! I bought the ticket just last nite, I haven’t even told anybody yet so how could she have known? I can mean only one thing… I hope it’s not what I think it is but there is no other way….I step on the gas and I’m gunning for home… FUCK! She hacked into my email AGAIN! I’ve been careless… knowing her she as taken her time and gone thru every single mail in my account, she has seen all my runs…normally, I would not care but this chick is crazy enough to start emailing all my ‘paseros’ telling them who knows what…she even got into my facebook account, see fuck up!. I’d be wasting my time calling to negociate… Knowing this crazy assed chick the only way to fight her is fighting fire not with fire but grenades. I have to find leverage…gain possession of something she really wants back. I immediately get online and luckily remembered the password to one of her other accounts…with that I was able to hack into her other two email accounts(long story). She hacked into my account a couple of months ago while I was in naija and it took a lot of negotiations to get it back then…so I have no idea what I am facing yet…actually I do. I give her a call, her excuse…. I have been ignoring her and she hates to be ignored so to get my attention she did what she did…all she wants is to know what’s going on with me but she is not ready to release my account cuz I’ve been holding out on her …If u might ask what I’ve been holding out on…I’m planning on moving to naija and I was planning on skipping town on her ass in December but now she knows… so she refuses to hand over my account…this is not good…I have to find more leverage and I have to think of something.

Sunday morning @ 5.58am…I jump out of the bed so quickly and I’m racing to my laptop…I need to find a 24hr K-mart like now. Soon im at a k-mart and shortly after I’m on my way to Edo Girl’s house…soon it’s done. I remember I had a spare keys to her car…I went and purchased a steering wheel lock and locked that bad boy…. Now who’s bad, lol…I went back to bed. To cut the long story short, she called me two days later...YES!! 2 days…her lazy ass, she never left d house in 2 days. I wish i remembered to install a video camera somwhere on a tree to see the look on her face when she saw the lock. She called me all the names in the book and when I realized that it was going no where I hung up…She soon texted me my password and I replied by telling her the keys to the lock was in her glove compartment.

Ladies, when a man is done with you, he is done…accept it and move on. There is hardly anything u can do to change that…even if u offer him nookie. He might lease it but he sure won’t buy it. Simply keep ur dignity and move on…but of course you wont listen to me, you never do.